


Razor Burned

by Jenniwrites



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-12 22:50:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3358232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenniwrites/pseuds/Jenniwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tuffnut challenges the boys to a beard growing competition.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Razor Burned

Hiccup and his dragon riders decided to use his pull as chief to help themselves to a rare midweek wash in the bathhouse after a long day of helping the farmers of Berk sheer sheep.

Berk’s bathhouse was built around a large hot spring fed pool that could comfortably sit a family of 12 at once and provided the luxury of freshly circulated water. Hiccup had even devised a special showering head so a bather could easily wash their own hair. The bathhouse also had a sauna which provided warmth on cooler bath days, eased sore muscles and was believed to help sweat out toxins and ailments.  

Ruffnut and Astrid entered and eased themselves in to the warm waters first and each took a seat along the edge where they were submerged to their collar bones before the men exited the sauna. While the gang had all seen each other in varying degrees of undress before, the ladies wished to avoid as much ogling as possible.

One by one the men entered, shed their unwashed clothes and found a spot of their own in the water.

Fishlegs was the last to enter.

“Hey, Fishy, I didn’t realize you had a second layer of fur under your tunic,” Snotlout laughed, “Your shoulders are hairier than my face.”

“Oh, you mean nearly as bare as a baby’s bottom,” Fishlegs snapped back.

“Hey now, gentlemen,” Hiccup interjected, hoping to keep the squabble from escalating.

Ruffnut elbowed her brother and laughed, “Say ‘bare baby bottom hair’ three times fast.”

“Bare baby bottom hair, bare baby button there…doh, heh heh, bare baby bottom hair.”

Snotlout continued teasing Fishlegs, “Seriously, though. Too bad you couldn’t transplant that to your face. Your beard would be glorious.”

“You’re just jealous that I have better facial hair than you.”

“Please!”

“You’ve been growing that out for months.”

“Have not.”

“Have too.”

“Wait, have you two not shaved since I told you Ruff was into beards?” Tuffnut asked.

“What? No, I mean, yeah, I’ve shaved,” Snotlout and Fishlegs responded in unison.

“I don’t think they have,” Astrid goaded them on.  

“I bet I could grow what the two of you have combined in a week,” Tuffnut continued.

“No way,” Snotlout responded.

“I could.”

“Do you wanna make a wager?”

“Let’s make it a competition. All of us,” Tuffnut gestured at the four men in the room,” grow out our beards. Whoever has the best beard in a moon’s time wins bragging rights and the lose-i-est loser’s mead for a month.”

“Sounds good. I’m in,” Snotlout said.

“I’m in,” Fishlegs added, “Hiccup?”

“Why must everything be a competition?” Hiccup lamented.

“Why not?” Ruffnut asked.

“I think I’ll pass, thank-you. I am not the big of a fan of mead,” Hiccup laughed.

“Hiccup doesn’t like competitions he knows he can’t win,” Snotlout ribbed. “Our sweet little baby faced chief can’t grow a beardy beard.”

“Hiccup can grow a beard!” Astrid interjected, “he’s only the son of Stoick the Vast, who wore the manliest Viking beard of all of Berk!” 

Hiccup rolled his eyes at his new wife, “I thought you liked that I shaved?”

“Oh, I do. But I think you got this one. You show them, Babe.”

“All right, I’m in. Tomorrow morning, we meet back here again with our razors,” Hiccup groaned.

 

*

 

As the month progressed, Snotlout was getting worried. It appeared Hiccup did have this one. It only took Hiccup a little over 2 weeks to be able to say he had a beard. Snotlout had assumed he could beat his late blooming cousin at any physical feat, especially one that involved such a biological display of manhood and it was a hard loss to swallow.

Tuffnut had a decent looking start by three weeks. By the time the month was up, even Fishlegs had a beard. It was thicker in some places than others and long and straggly under his chin but the beard was there. Length aside, he had Snotlout beat in general surface area alone.

Much to his chagrin, Snotlout came in dead last. Another week and he could have had a decent mustache but his beard was a sparse wiry disappointment. The growth didn’t even compare to what he had before the competition. It was like his body was purposely trying to spite him.

He had tried everything, eating extra yak and smoked eel, rubbing fish oil and an onion, potato and beat concoction on his face, which only gave him a pink hue, and drinking extra ale, all to no avail. Snotlout even went to see Gothi, who just shook her staff at him and sent him home.

The date the competition was up, the dragon riders sat around a table in the Great Hall stroking their chins. Snotlout had no choice to concede, he had lost. He looked at Hiccup’s two toned auburn beard with jealousy. The same way he looked at Hiccup’s height, political position and wife with jealousy. When did he become the loser of the two? Snotlout sat with his arms folded in a huff.

“Looks like the chief won,” Tuffnut declared, “My marvellous mutton chops are a close second though, if I do say so myself. I think I’ll keep them. They dress up the dreads.”

“What do you think, darling?” Fishlegs turned to Ruffnut, “Do you really fancy a man with a chin curtain or should shave?”

“Ugh, whatever,” she replied.

“I, for one, am looking forward to a shave in the morning,” Hiccup stretched out his arms and put one around Astrid.

“Really?” Astrid turned and ran her fingers down his cheek, “I don’t know. The beard has kind of grown on me.”

“Technically, it has grown on me.”

Astrid gave him a friendly right hook to the ribs.

“Oww! Now, don’t get like that,” Hiccup smiled and rubbed his chin into the crook of her neck, “I’ll keep it if you want me to.”

Astrid smiled, lifting her eye brow mischievously, “It is a good length for kissing now. No prickles.”

“Oh, really,” Hiccup replied, reading intention in her eyes, He stood up and addressed his friends, “I am going to take my winning beard and my lovely wife home.” He held out his hand and shook the hands of his peers, All in Good fun. Snotlout, I am looking forward to that mead tomorrow.”

Snotlout scowled.  

On the way back to their dwelling, Astrid said, “You don’t even like mead.”

“True, but it might taste better if it’s Snotlouts.”

“You do have a point there.”


End file.
